you're like a bully in the Christmas story
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
