I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
