I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
