1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
