why didn't you poke me back
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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