Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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