I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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