Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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