I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
