I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
