Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
