i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
