trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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