i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
