I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
