It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
