Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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