Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
