I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just want nice things and good sex
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
