he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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