My balls are so social today.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
