Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
