so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
