Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
