We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
