We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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