If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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