eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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