Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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