if i can run in heels then i can drive
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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