I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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