Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
