Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
