I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
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