I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
