I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
