i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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