Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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