i already hear my dad disowning me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
bring money and cleavage
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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