Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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