I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
