we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
