You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
