Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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