He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
