you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
