GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
