wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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