I look better un-naked...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
