I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We are two peas in an std pod
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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