I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
