Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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