I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
