even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
