I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
