Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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