Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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