Yo dont text me then not text me
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Thank you for not boning my boss.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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