In the future we'll all be gay
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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