Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
