I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
